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Showing posts from December, 2007

peace, love & joy

{little bits of joy from my home...candycane mice, roses and evergreens specially delivered, homemade printed market totes, mini canvas ornaments made by little hands, spicy hot kimchee jige for breakfast, snow and the wonder of winter in all it's glory}

my adoption anniversary

35 years ago this picture was taken. that's me...in the white bundle, and my young parents and my nana full of happiness and hope, amidst the chaos of JFK airport, having just recieved me off the airplane. i loved to hear my mom tell me the story of my arrival ~ how i was left on the steps of a police station, how i was in an orphanage therearter, how they got the tiny fuzzy black and white picture of me with my korean name written on it, how i flew for almost a day halfway across the world, how they waited that long trip plus 10 months for me to arrive, how i rode the whole way on the lap of a Holt angel and didn't cry, how i was the last one off a crowded plane and how anxious and excited they were, how i needed my diaper changed right away in the airport but they didn't want to put me down, how i was homely and sick and malnourished and the most beautiful baby they had ever seen, how at first i slept all day and was awake all night still on korean time, how i held and

because

because i love my husband... i soften when the phone rings every morning at 8:30, knowing it's him i see him in the shape of my son's lips and his curiosity, and it makes me smile i forgive him every time i dream of our future with so many years still ahead i hate that our bed is so big and there is often a dog, a child and a cat sleeping between us i feel his pain and frustration as my own i want to know he is happy i am so grateful for every little part of him i hope he knows how much i love him, even when life is pure chaos i feel guilty for sometimes complicating our world with my own stuff i can't believe he's mine i am a better person for it because i love my son... i sometimes tear up in moments of such stunning, perfect love i accept his imperfections because they often mirror my own i see his pure unadultured joy as a gift i feel bad when i yell i think he is the cutest, smartest, most wonderful little person on this earth i pray my best is good enough i want t

from the emergency room :: a stream of consciousness

a hospital is a portal to a zillion different dimentions. it is a place where humanity and biology both interlace and bisect one another in a delicate yet compelling dance. so many lives are simultaneously unfolding under this one vast roof, each one burning hot and true at the center of its own little universe of wild drama or daily routine. hundreds of stories are being told at any given moment, parallel threads creating a complex and almost invisible web of life and death and every moment in between. as i lay on the ultrasound table, i became acutely aware of this tiny, infinate microcausm. this woman sitting beside me, the technition with her pastel colored scrubs, her soft smile and disarming bedside manner, was another lifeline to another story as intricate and multi faceted as my own. i wondered about her, about the banalities of her life similar to mine like what she ate for lunch and if she was thinking about her kid's homework as we were sat together quietly under the hum

latkes and love

what is better than... making crazy gingerbread houses with glurpy icing and too hard candies and lots of laughs, especially when the roof slides off and crashes to the floor homemade gifties like this record-bowl and herb packs to toast your cold toes, pictures drawn by little hands and notecards sewn with love friends arriving wrapped in hats and slippers, tie-dye and smiles, and lots of t.l.c. finding out your fire alarm works because of the charred lunch smoking in your oven (and the kids laughing instead of freaking out at the rediculously loud noise :) catching up and watching the grinch and time flying and hugs hannukah candles the colors of the rainbow, an antique manorah that has been in the family for years, hot latkes with applesauce and sour cream getting a weekend's worth of errands done in one day with a smiling child planning a little family birthday party for my dad here at the new house watching the seagulls play chase over the icy waves a play store set up in one

amy given monday

4:45 husband kisses me goodbye in the dark. 5:30am "mom? can you come in here a minute? i need you." "it's almost morning. you're ok." "noooooo! i need to go potty" "then go ahead." (footsteps) 5:45 "mom? is it time to get up yet?" "not yet. five more minutes" 6:30 "mom? is five minutes up yet?" "one minute left!" 7:00 (now in my bed) "mom. it's morning" "i know...{yawn}" 7:15 feed dogs and let them out, coffee on, curious george on, warm milk heated and warm slippers on, survey fridge for breakfast, check email, drink said coffee and begin to wake up. 8:00 breakfast for two at the table, seeing if the ducks are here yet, checking weather and tide, talk about our day ahead. 8:30 husband calls to check in "how's your day going?" "good. oops gotta go because o is (jumping on the couch, chasing the cat, climbing on the counter, or some other attention get