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opening up

my mother's day orchids in bloom

i am feeling my voice bubbling up today. it is a deep vibration coming from the center of my being. it is wanting to simply speak, to be set free. there is nothing earthshattering to share. no big exciting news or groundbreaking crisis, there is just my voice wanting to speak.

i feel...good. ok. and that is good enough for right now. i feel the changes that are upon me like a light misty rain with the sun still peeking through. the deluge is soon to come, and i am getting ready. i've been trying very hard to take care of myself and nurture all the different aspects of my life that i am embracing today and carrying into tomorrow. i can clearly see the path and the scenery beyond...the joy, the sleeplessness, the challanges, the love blossoming, and even the big unknown. it is all there, a definite part of my immediate future.

at 32 weeks pregnant i am getting more disorganized and forgetful. my head is a little weary and full, and my body is begging me to slow down too. i hear the clock ticking down the time and it excites me and terrifies me at the same time.

i realize i am ready though, and this is very comforting. the house may not be completely in order and i still need to unearth the infant car seat, but i feel like i have most of my mental ducks in a row, and for me that is huge.

it's been almost 6 long years since i have held an infant in my arms, and there were many, many days in between that i believed that i would not ever be a mother of two. i honestly didn't know if i had it in me. i always wished i was easily able, but i just seriously doubted that i was meant to care for more than one little human.

i haven't really shared much of the nitty gritty of my son's childhood and becoming his mother. it's been a beautifully messy, long and winding road, and i feel a bit protective about sharing what has been a really emotional journey for me. i know someday soon i will. i guess this is kind of the beginning.

as i wonder about what to share here, i find myself aways coming back to a place of authenticity even if that means shedding light on some of the darker corners in my world. i tend to want to only show the joy and the light here, of which there is gratefully an abundance of, but i often feel like i am only painting one kind of picture. i just want to share a little honesty. that's all.