Skip to main content

blown away

today the sun shone for about a half hour and i captured these shots of the recent storm's aftermath... the flooded tidal marsh, and two huge uprooted trees. we've had a couple of wild weather days, and just got back into our home today as our heat and electricity were finally restored. a huge storm blew through this area on thursday evening and wreaked havok with wind gusts tandem to a catagory 2 hurricane.

around 11pm thursday, i woke up to screaming winds and two exterior doors that were banging and smashing into one another in the front of our house. the whole house was shaking and the windows were rattling and bowing unnaturally. for a little while i was terrified, and wondering if we should take cover.

i have this crazy phobia of tornados. even though i have never seen one and live in an area where they are extremely unlikely to occur, the notion that there could be one scares the heck out of me. when i am stressed about something, i dream about tornados.

so in the moment our power went out (shortly after i awoke during the height of the storm), and the baby started crying after waking up to darkness and howling winds, i thought this is it -a tornado is coming! i knew it was an overreaction. phobias are completely irrational by definition. but i was scared. it was scary weather after all.

so in a flash, i thought about what to grab. i know you all have been posed this hypothetical question of what one thing would you save if your house caught on fire.... my first reaction was my computer, and than i realized how completely rediculous this was. then i thought about the hope chest and all the family photos that are stashed there, and then all the momentos and treasures of our past.

then in the next instant as i settled back into the reality that there, of course, would be no tornado the clarity of what i wanted most to save came to me in that second... nothing. there was nothing precious enough that i wanted to risk seconds of my family's safety to try to grab. i just wanted to be sure we were all safe. the kids, my husband, myself and the dog. maybe i would run and get the goldfish and my cell phone.

so as i sat in the candlelight rocking the baby back to sleep i thought about this. i guess i was a little surprised. ever since i can remember i have always been a collector of sentimentality, saving bits of this and pieces of that, things that seemed so important to hold on to forever. yes, most of it is precious and i would be heartbroken to lose those most prized posessions, but that was just it... they are all only things. and in that moment of choosing, the fact that all i wanted was my my family was very validating and freeing. i know what i could not live without.


Popular posts from this blog

Inner Alchemy Cards: Build A New World Deck

Our next make-your-own card adventure is finally here! Inner Alchemy Collage: Build A New World Deck (online) is an artful exploration of language, learning, inspiration, and collaboration, that delves into important ideas around activism and systems of oppression. This is a way for us to examine and disrupt harmful dominant narratives, tell new stories, and inspire one another to use our creativity and personal power to help build the collective world we all want to live in! In the end you will have a beautiful and meaningful handmade deck of 35 oracle cards to use as unique a tool for guidance and reflection whenever you need it.  I'm your host,  Mindy Tsonas Choi , an artist, organizer, radical belonging activist, and the founder of the Be Seen Project - a grassroots initiative resourcing BIPOC artist and makers working in activism. Join me along with other stellar artists, makers and co-creators who have also been exploring social justice and activism as part of their creativ

The Cost of Selling Belonging

As someone who use to sell belonging and believed I was creating something universally magical , I now have fresh eyes on the harm that I once caused. I understand what can (and was) incredibly healing and impactful for some, was at the same time excluding, marginalizing and undervaluing others. First, to anyone who ever felt like they did not belong to anything I created because they were unable to afford it or felt like they did not have the social capitol to join -  I am sincerely sorry for not seeing you sooner .   To our entire creative community as a whole, I urge us all to think about belonging in new and equitable ways, and to do the work of dismantling these hierarchical structures that leave so many people out of the circle. We all deserve to have access to creativity and belonging, and I'd go so far as to say both are fundamental basic human needs and rights. Selling belonging can look like... Creating spaces and experiences that can only be accessed by buying in at one,

what's in a name?

It’s May 14, 2020 and I’m on a transnational call with a social worker and translator of the SOS Children’s Village offices in South Korea. It’s 7pm my time and 9am the next day in Korea, which adds to the surreal quality of the moment. It is my first long distance call following my inquiry with the organization documented to be my first place of entry into the system, found in my Korean records (the acquisition of which is an incredible story in and of itself). It was July 21, 1972 and I was 5 months old. It’s a small miracle the organization still exists, and an even bigger blessing that they took such time and care in searching for information and to talk it all through with me in person. I try not to cry as the call connects. What I learn is a lot of small details about that fateful evening which amount to nothing traceable, but still feel like huge missing pieces of my life. I was left near the entrance around 7pm under a small tree, wrapped in a blanket with only a name scribble