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the other side of motherhood

where the closest thing to getting dressed is rolling out of bed and throwing on a sweatshirt

where you yell and shatter into a million pieces

where you have to use the television as your babysitter to get dinner on the table

where you wonder if you were cut out for this job

where there are days you can't get the baby to stop crying, and then you are crying too

where it might take an hour to do ten minutes of homework

where you feel the weight of guilt and regret

where you wear spit up on your shoulder all day because you have no clean shirts

where you have a million things to do but can't get any of it done

where you feel yourself starting to dissappear

where there is time-outs and meltdowns and frustration that threatens to undo you

where you can go days without speaking to another grown-up

where sometimes you can't do anything to make it better

where you hear "i hate you!" thrown at you like a brick

where you feel so exhausted and ready for bed by 5pm

where you look at those faces and wonder how could you feel this way

where you just feel like a crappy mom