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history repeating

i believe that certain things, important things, keep showing up in your life until you get them right. these are the things that materialize as struggle and resistance, but at the same time are so familiar like an old and nagging ache. they are familiar because you've had a go at them many times before, and you didn't make the progress that you needed to to move on. so once again, the issue presents itself with an uncomfortable urgency saying... "here's another chance!".

we all have these recurring themes. they are big chunks of emotional work that i think we are meant to accomplish in our lives, and without digging deep enough we fall short. falling short may not mean that your life is failing, but i think not addressing these issues seriously inhibits your ability to be authentically and deeply happy.

i think with any deep seeded emotional work, it's not ever easy or clear what the answers are or even what direction to go in to begin. i think there are twists and turns and a lot of ground to cover. it's scary and often difficult terrain.

i'm amidst some of these in my life right now, and it's not surprising to me that they have shown up at my door. i think in times when you are on the cusp of really growing and changing (for the better), it is also time for these things to resurface and demand your attention again. it reminds me of the super mario game my 6 year old is playing... you can't move on to the next level until you have successfully completed all challenges in the one you are on. it's as simple and as difficult as that.

i think with some of these we become so good at avoiding. we find ways to cope without really having to do the work, because the work is hard and threatening and pointing you in an unknown direction. i'm taking some time and space to really examine some of these as they sit here in front of me. i know it is work only i can do. while i can garner advice and support, it is only me who can ultimately make the change that is needed for me to move forward.

i'm strengthened by knowing i have the past to direct me, as i know what hasn't worked. i know i have the future in my favor as well, as there will always be another chance. this time though, i am thinking i want to get it right. it's exhausting to put energy into staying stuck simply because that is what is familiar.

i really want to get to the next level.