Skip to main content

the light of Moon and Zen

A few days ago, I lay in bed very early in the morning wondering where the best place would be to get my Korean documents translated.  I have been intuitively sensing some kind of spiritual trajectory as the undercurrent of this entire process, maybe because it is just so close to source.  I had been thinking about taking them to a Korean church I always drive by on the way to my mom and dads as the thought of sitting in a house of Grace seemed like the safest place to open the wound. 

This thought occurred to me actually many months ago as a desire to silently immerse myself in sacred Korean community, and I imagined myself sitting in church, the soothing song of Korean language surrounding me, for a Sunday morning service.  I am not a religious person and certainly not a practicing Christian, but a spiritual nest was somehow appealing and felt like a comfort that I was in need of.  My intuition knew before my intellect chimed in.

So it dawned on me tuesday morning to look for the Sisters of St. Paul Chartres, the same congregation that runs the White Lily school (formerly the orphanage) in Korea from whence I came, and with the magic of modern technology at my fingertips without even having to leave my bed (thank you Steve Jobs and Larry Page) lo and behold three chapters exist in the US, the nearest and the one with a Korean liaison in Washington DC.  It was as easy as sending an email, the cliffs notes version of the whole tale if you will, receiving one in turn (punctuated by a smiley emoticon - who knew Nuns spoke in text?), and now planning to speak directly with Sister Daria Moon.  I'm not sure why, but that name holds some resonance to it.  Call me crazy, but it feels almost familiar, mythical maybe, and I feel like she is now the gatekeeper and in some way a spiritual guide.  It could very well be my epic imagination just working overtime, but I know this connection is going to somehow be important.

During the same day (yesterday), I received words of such refined and poignant truth I was choked up once again by the unwavering spiritual generosity of the forces around me, namely one very endeared Buddhist Priest who has always been a light and teacher on my journey.

I told you I've been holding hands and dancing with divinity.  Blessed be. 

Maezen's message was that letting go of the fear will allow Love to rush in.  More importantly she suggested that Love, not rejection, was the ultimate power at work when my birth mother decided to let me go.  Of course I have thought of this, especially since becoming a mother myself, but it never was the story I truly believed in. I only could see the tragedy of that beginning, before the happily-ever-after of my adoption.

That part of story, I know, is about to change.


Popular posts from this blog

Inner Alchemy Cards: Build A New World Deck

Our next make-your-own card adventure is finally here! Inner Alchemy Collage: Build A New World Deck (online) is an artful exploration of language, learning, inspiration, and collaboration, that delves into important ideas around activism and systems of oppression. This is a way for us to examine and disrupt harmful dominant narratives, tell new stories, and inspire one another to use our creativity and personal power to help build the collective world we all want to live in! In the end you will have a beautiful and meaningful handmade deck of 35 oracle cards to use as unique a tool for guidance and reflection whenever you need it.  I'm your host,  Mindy Tsonas Choi , an artist, organizer, radical belonging activist, and the founder of the Be Seen Project - a grassroots initiative resourcing BIPOC artist and makers working in activism. Join me along with other stellar artists, makers and co-creators who have also been exploring social justice and activism as part of their creativ

The Cost of Selling Belonging

As someone who use to sell belonging and believed I was creating something universally magical , I now have fresh eyes on the harm that I once caused. I understand what can (and was) incredibly healing and impactful for some, was at the same time excluding, marginalizing and undervaluing others. First, to anyone who ever felt like they did not belong to anything I created because they were unable to afford it or felt like they did not have the social capitol to join -  I am sincerely sorry for not seeing you sooner .   To our entire creative community as a whole, I urge us all to think about belonging in new and equitable ways, and to do the work of dismantling these hierarchical structures that leave so many people out of the circle. We all deserve to have access to creativity and belonging, and I'd go so far as to say both are fundamental basic human needs and rights. Selling belonging can look like... Creating spaces and experiences that can only be accessed by buying in at one,

what's in a name?

It’s May 14, 2020 and I’m on a transnational call with a social worker and translator of the SOS Children’s Village offices in South Korea. It’s 7pm my time and 9am the next day in Korea, which adds to the surreal quality of the moment. It is my first long distance call following my inquiry with the organization documented to be my first place of entry into the system, found in my Korean records (the acquisition of which is an incredible story in and of itself). It was July 21, 1972 and I was 5 months old. It’s a small miracle the organization still exists, and an even bigger blessing that they took such time and care in searching for information and to talk it all through with me in person. I try not to cry as the call connects. What I learn is a lot of small details about that fateful evening which amount to nothing traceable, but still feel like huge missing pieces of my life. I was left near the entrance around 7pm under a small tree, wrapped in a blanket with only a name scribble