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jan.22 {a spoon full of sugar}

So it seems that the nasty flu bug has finally been exorcised from this house and is all but a lingering cough and a couple of stuffy noses.  Here we are in a fresh new week and it's already Tuesday.  We were supposed to get a boat load of snow overnight, but as island life goes it's no more than a sugar coating.  I was kind of hoping for a snow day in that same hopeful way I used to when I was a kid, but alas.

I made it out of the house the last couple of days which believe me, was such a treat after being housebound for the entire previous week.  That must have been some sort of record for me and oddly it didn't really start getting to me until the weekend, probably because I was beginning to feel less like the living dead and more like myself.  Now I feel like I'm coming out of this weird alternate dimension, and that all the craziness that befell us like a very humorless comedy of errs last week was all just a bad trippy nightmare.  Maybe because my head is clear or the moon changed signs or we are all somehow still standing (please for the love of all that is good and holy, don't let Alex get the flu - spare the man at least this one catastrophe) I feel a little off kilter in the aftermath.

It's not really time yet to call in the disaster relief, as Alex is still in the center of his nightmare.  All I can do is wait on stand-by and see if we can make it out by the skin of our teeth, and right now it feels like we're just poised for the devastation.  The fat lady has certainly not hit the high note yet, but there is a sense that she is diligently warming up.  The worse part of it all is to witness the struggle and desperation of all those in the eye of the storm fighting with all they've got - people who I care about and have been in the periphery of our lives for over a decade.  

My job this week is to find a foothold, stand in what power I have, and somehow hold on tight.  The plan is to just do the simple things... keep the house uncluttered and infused with as much comfort as possible, take care of the kids, and help Alex not slip over the edge, while still holding him gently, in any way I can.  I think emotionally he is hanging by a very frayed thread, and I'm worried about the 'what ifs' solely for his sake at this point, but I can't really go there yet.  We have to let the week unfold, and in the meantime just try to keep the beast happy and fed.

I'll even bake if I have to.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.


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