It's a label and ideal that I've been slowly integrating into my life these days, and a descriptor I just added to my social media bios yesterday. Ultimately, I hope to shed some happy and informative light around what it means to be empowered sexually by simply being a part of the conversation. If I can help others to feel less shame and embarrassment and also inspire some curiosity and exploration around playfulness and pleasure, well then yay for all of us!
Even though I'm not 100% sure what this looks like in it's entirety yet, I am taking steps to inhabit and honor this space with good intentions and a certain sensibility. It's not about sensationalizing sex or conversely, staying quiet and under the radar. For me it's meeting women openly, right where we are in our every day lives, with information and celebration so we can all be more active and engaged participants in our own sex lives.
Over the past few months, I have begun to follow a lot of really amazing sex educators (and I use this as a broad term to describe all kinds of people on the front lines of the industry) on Twitter, and it has been interesting to see what pops up in my feed these days. I was a little worried at first that it might lead to some inaccurate assumptions about me and my own sexuality, but I realized, and hope others do as well, this is not really about me. It's about spreading the sex-positive love in whatever way seems evocative, accurate, and interesting, from good sources and leaders in the community. I'm just a willing and happy co-conspirer and conduit.
It's been pretty fun and I love seeing things beginning to take shape in my world with words of inspiring creative wisdom sitting along-side mentions of things like feminist porn. This little social media step was, personally, a pretty big leap. Deciding to put my name out there attached to what many would consider edgy topics is not something I did lightly. It speaks to how passionately I feel about being a positive influence in this arena.
To me, sex positive is all about inclusivity. It's being informed and empowered by our choices and also those which may not be our own, by either actively (or even passively) supporting all genders, preferences and sexual orientations. What that looks like in my own life today is very open (and often hilarious!) conversations about sex with my husband, empowering my kids with the age-appropriate but honest information they seek, going to workshops and learning about a wide variety of sex ed topics, exploring my own sexual boundaries and preferences, delving into intimacy and relationship dynamics, digging around a bit in the local sexual underground and meeting daring and cool people, and generally helping to de-program the negativity around all things sex related. Yes, I've visited the local sex shop (woman owned btw), and yes, it was hard to not feel a little embarrassed, but I'm glad I went because it was actually pretty fun and I've always been curious about it. It's all a work in progress.
The integration has been open and pretty organic so far, taking me down unexpected and exciting paths the same way my creative life does. Externally, things aren't much different, but the interior of my life has changed quite a bit (and for the better, I'd say) simply by committing to this one area of interest and aspect of well-being. There is always an expansive quality to any kind of learning and sharing and even though it's sometimes awkward and scary, going down this road has been totally worth it. Things are somewhat surprisingly beginning to fit together in the context of my own life and I'm discovering more and more, both educationally and experientially, about the landscape of our current culture of sex. It's all fascinating... the good, the bad, and even the stuff that is clearly not my own cup of tea.
I've got lots of things to share already. Feel free to ask!