Skip to main content

apr.24 {sex, pies, and washi tape}

Sex positive.

It's a label and ideal that I've been slowly integrating into my life these days, and a descriptor I just added to my social media bios yesterday. Ultimately, I hope to shed some happy and informative light around what it means to be empowered sexually by simply being a part of the conversation.  If I can help others to feel less shame and embarrassment and also inspire some curiosity and exploration around playfulness and pleasure, well then yay for all of us!

Even though I'm not 100% sure what this looks like in it's entirety yet, I am taking steps to inhabit and honor this space with good intentions and a certain sensibility.  It's not about sensationalizing sex or conversely, staying quiet and under the radar.  For me it's meeting women openly, right where we are in our every day lives, with information and celebration so we can all be more active and engaged participants in our own sex lives.

Over the past few months, I have begun to follow a lot of really amazing sex educators (and I use this as a broad term to describe all kinds of people on the front lines of the industry) on Twitter, and it has been interesting to see what pops up in my feed these days.  I was a little worried at first that it might lead to some inaccurate assumptions about me and my own sexuality, but I realized, and hope others do as well, this is not really about me.  It's about spreading the sex-positive love in whatever way seems evocative, accurate, and interesting, from good sources and leaders in the community.  I'm just a willing and happy co-conspirer and conduit.

It's been pretty fun and I love seeing things beginning to take shape in my world with words of inspiring creative wisdom sitting along-side mentions of things like feminist porn.  This little social media step was, personally, a pretty big leap.  Deciding to put my name out there attached to what many would consider edgy topics is not something I did lightly.  It speaks to how passionately I feel about being a positive influence in this arena.

To me, sex positive is all about inclusivity.  It's being informed and empowered by our choices and also those which may not be our own, by either actively (or even passively) supporting all genders, preferences and sexual orientations.  What that looks like in my own life today is very open (and often hilarious!) conversations about sex with my husband, empowering my kids with the age-appropriate but honest information they seek, going to workshops and learning about a wide variety of sex ed topics, exploring my own sexual boundaries and preferences, delving into intimacy and relationship dynamics, digging around a bit in the local sexual underground and meeting daring and cool people, and generally helping to de-program the negativity around all things sex related.  Yes, I've visited the local sex shop (woman owned btw), and yes, it was hard to not feel a little embarrassed, but I'm glad I went  because it was actually pretty fun and I've always been curious about it.  It's all a work in progress.

The integration has been open and pretty organic so far, taking me down unexpected and exciting paths the same way my creative life does.  Externally, things aren't much different, but the interior of my life has changed quite a bit (and for the better, I'd say) simply by committing to this one area of interest and aspect of well-being.  There is always an expansive quality to any kind of learning and sharing and even though it's sometimes awkward and scary, going down this road has been totally worth it.  Things are somewhat surprisingly beginning to fit together in the context of my own life and I'm discovering more and more, both educationally and experientially, about the landscape of our current culture of sex.  It's all fascinating... the good, the bad, and even the stuff that is clearly not my own cup of tea.  

I've got lots of things to share already.  Feel free to ask!


Popular posts from this blog

Inner Alchemy Cards: Build A New World Deck

Our next make-your-own card adventure is finally here! Inner Alchemy Collage: Build A New World Deck (online) is an artful exploration of language, learning, inspiration, and collaboration, that delves into important ideas around activism and systems of oppression. This is a way for us to examine and disrupt harmful dominant narratives, tell new stories, and inspire one another to use our creativity and personal power to help build the collective world we all want to live in! In the end you will have a beautiful and meaningful handmade deck of 35 oracle cards to use as unique a tool for guidance and reflection whenever you need it.  I'm your host,  Mindy Tsonas Choi , an artist, organizer, radical belonging activist, and the founder of the Be Seen Project - a grassroots initiative resourcing BIPOC artist and makers working in activism. Join me along with other stellar artists, makers and co-creators who have also been exploring social justice and activism as part of their creativ

The Cost of Selling Belonging

As someone who use to sell belonging and believed I was creating something universally magical , I now have fresh eyes on the harm that I once caused. I understand what can (and was) incredibly healing and impactful for some, was at the same time excluding, marginalizing and undervaluing others. First, to anyone who ever felt like they did not belong to anything I created because they were unable to afford it or felt like they did not have the social capitol to join -  I am sincerely sorry for not seeing you sooner .   To our entire creative community as a whole, I urge us all to think about belonging in new and equitable ways, and to do the work of dismantling these hierarchical structures that leave so many people out of the circle. We all deserve to have access to creativity and belonging, and I'd go so far as to say both are fundamental basic human needs and rights. Selling belonging can look like... Creating spaces and experiences that can only be accessed by buying in at one,

what's in a name?

It’s May 14, 2020 and I’m on a transnational call with a social worker and translator of the SOS Children’s Village offices in South Korea. It’s 7pm my time and 9am the next day in Korea, which adds to the surreal quality of the moment. It is my first long distance call following my inquiry with the organization documented to be my first place of entry into the system, found in my Korean records (the acquisition of which is an incredible story in and of itself). It was July 21, 1972 and I was 5 months old. It’s a small miracle the organization still exists, and an even bigger blessing that they took such time and care in searching for information and to talk it all through with me in person. I try not to cry as the call connects. What I learn is a lot of small details about that fateful evening which amount to nothing traceable, but still feel like huge missing pieces of my life. I was left near the entrance around 7pm under a small tree, wrapped in a blanket with only a name scribble