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may 26 {dotting my I's and crossing my T's}

{a card I made for my mom on her birthday this same day last year -  
happy birthday mom!}

I was writing some notes the other day and I realized something.  Over the course of these last several months I have begun to truly love my handwriting.  Overall, this isn't a big deal but as an artist, designer and creative spirit, I really appreciate this newfound acceptance and appreciation on so many levels.  I can remember all throughout middle and high school playing around with my hand, once writing very petite and prettily and another time trying on big loop-de-loops complete with round fat o's as dots over the I's.  Nothing ever felt quite right.  As someone who experiences the world through meaning, even this small expression of who I am was important to me.

It still is.

Most recently I have begun to write a lot more in cursive.  For a lot of my life, I was more apt to print because when I did write longhand I would tumble over forming my letters which slowed me down and created a lot of mistakes, and so I had to concentrate a bit to get things down.  I think I was just out of practice in a lot of ways, having abandoned my own style of cursive a long time ago accept for in small bits like signatures or short messages here and there, because all along I thought it was just so unexceptional.  Ordinary.

Even over the last several years I've been playing with my own printing style, writing my A's in the more artful and interesting way a typewriter would instead of my own round, simple lowercase letter. And where that didn't come at all naturally, I'd often forget and would go back and "fix" my A's afterward.  So silly.

But something changed this year, slowly but surely.  I think the catalyst was painting words in my art.  Suddenly, I began to see the beauty of my own line.  Another bridge I clearly have crossed without knowing that I needed to, until looking up from the other side.  I've sunk more and more into the comfort of my somewhat upright and particular cursive, this lettering that is a very fundamental part of who I am just like the sound of my voice or the gait of my walk, but never fully accepted as good enough.  It is fascinating that how you write can signify certain personality traits, but I'm more concerned and contented with the simple act of embracing whatever way my words take shape than what that says about me as a person.  Maybe that is where I struggled all along.  Now I enjoy the quirkiness of how I've always, for some reason, mixed printed letters into the flow of a handwritten word, like with my B's and sometimes my F's, and I'm enjoying this natural expression and way of being Me.  It feels so good to write freely and let go of that unknown person I was always trying to be.


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