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pink elephants

It all started with a conversation I had with Alex a month or so ago, something I knew I would write about but just never found the right time.  So, before it escapes me completely I just wanted to say my peace.

I've been blogging now for almost 9 years and it really is like second nature to me.  Some days I have important things to spill, other days it's more of my own life in progress that I want to stop and try to capture.  Either way, I am so grateful for all the people who come by to read what I have to share.

In the beginning, and for a very long time before blogging came into mainstream focus, all of my readers were people I had never met before, kindred spirits from all over the globe similarly opening up their hearts and lives to find immediate connection and understanding.  I wrote for the pure unguarded pleasure of creating something beautiful and exercising an artistic muscle that was aching to be used, to be seen and be heard, and to build bridges of community that have now grown into the three-dimentional and tangible matrix of my life.  Who knew?

I remember the first time I ever got a comment on my blog from someone I actually knew in close proximity.  It was strange and even a bit scary, but also exciting and wonderful.  I was grateful to have people in my life who were interested in what I was doing, but it changed the way I wrote.  I didn't really modify what I shared, but I always now stopped to think about what I was posting before I hit "publish", the inner critic now tuned into who my new audience was.  

It's an odd thing to be able to open up to strangers easier than it is to open up to your own familiars.  It's the same dynamic as therapy I suppose, telling your inner most thought to someone who is an impartial party, someone who is not invested in your life in any way.  When you blog from the heart, like so many creatives do, there is tenderness in everything you put out into the world and the truth is that the people who know you well are more likely to have an opinion that could have a significant ripple effect in your life.  This used to scare me, quite frankly.  While I mostly wrote about motherhood and creative things it didn't come up too often, but that editorial voice was always a wee bit worried about saying something that someone might not like or understand (being misunderstood might even be a bit worse).  It is always a little prickly to be confronted with your tender truth, but what I have learned is that that is what people resonate most with - me as an imperfect human being.  I can't censor my story because others might not agree with or feel comfortable with what I write.

As a blogger and writer, I have come full circle and have found my way back to that place of open creativity and authenticity partly because I am more comfortable in my own skin and in part because I'm less afraid of being judged, which I'm sure go hand in hand.  I even have more people now who I'm close to who read my blog, and I am so grateful and happy to have those ears leaning in.  I want everyone - especially my family - to know how much it warms my heart (even my husband's heart!), that you come by here for whatever dose of insight or inspiration you might find.

I aim to blog with utmost honesty and integrity and even though there may be things I share here that have never been directly spoken about (which is the majority of what I post because I write at a depth and frequency that is simply less accessible by way of day-to-day conversation, and so, many things are explored in this space that never get airtime one-on-one), that doesn't mean that we can't talk about them.  In fact, I hope that if something does catch your interest, even if it's awkward or revealing, we can have a conversation about it because I don't believe in pink elephants and I really do appreciate it when people come to me directly and ask me about something I've said.  Anything I write about is fair game or I wouldn't put it out there, and everything I put it out there is intended as a point of connection, not a source of contention.  

I rarely write about other people outside of my immediate family and the intimacies of those relationships, out of respect for their privacy.  I'm not the kind of blogger who would rant about a relative or share a friend's tender secret, and I don't write to push people's buttons, only to be honest with my own story.  That said, I understand how my personal truth bleeds into other people's lives, and I am very aware of that and always proceed with care.  

So thank you from the bottom of my heart - I have infinite gratitude for each and every one of you who stop by here and especially for those of you who engage in the conversation either virtually or in person!  It's my hope that when you leave you feel a better understanding, a closer connection with me and my world, and also a stronger conviction in the fierce beauty of your own wild and messy life.

Thank you for seeing me... and for letting me see you.