Skip to main content

twilight mom

My head is the freshest and most clear for writing in the morning without the weight of the day pressing down on me or the beckoning of my bed.  I long to be a night owl sometimes, a mother who kisses her kids goodnight and then sets off to her own flights of fancy, lighting a candle and the creative fire in the waning evening hours.  That is so not me.  I'm the mom who on most nights falls asleep alongside my four year old after telling each other "fishy stories", our little bedtime ritual that began with my oldest long ago.  If I am up past nine on any given night, it's a rarity.

The new morning routine of no screen time, i.e. video games, ipads, laptops, means that I am not writing at my usual time.  I've agreed to commit to the same rules as my kids so we can spend the time focusing on the morning routine and getting ready for our day in a space of relative calm and attentiveness.  In the past there might have been struggles over getting off a game in time to make it to the bus, or stepping away from a blog post in order to get the lunch made.  It is undoubtedly better this way for all of us.  I think they are having an easier time of it than I am.  

So here I am, before making dinner, trying to write in this pocket of time I have.  I'm tired, and I feel like the words are moving through syrup rather than a flowing river, recalling the day rather than having the time and space to really reflect on it.  It certainly is a different perspective.  The glass of wine certainly doesn't help, but in my mind it sounds like a lovely idea... a creative moment with a chilled glass of summer red in the quiet space of boys gone to the beach for a before-dinner swim.  I'm giving it a go.

Today was preschool orientation, and Athen was happy to explore and introduce himself to some new friends.  He examined the dolls and realized they are neither girls nor boys (how funny to try to explain this), made "coffee" for a small group of moms sitting around a tiny kid sized table in the pink, play kitchen area, and colored a mini version of himself after asking why he can't just leave it blank and make himself naked.  Is there a theme here?  Oh, the stories I can see coming!  It's so funny and amazing to see him becoming more and more himself (decidedly with clothes thank goodness). 

I'm off to mash up some guacamole and make burritos for the boys, and then excitedly await my evening special delivery (the zines!).  Maybe I can be an evening writer after all.



Popular posts from this blog

Inner Alchemy Cards: Build A New World Deck

Our next make-your-own card adventure is finally here! Inner Alchemy Collage: Build A New World Deck (online) is an artful exploration of language, learning, inspiration, and collaboration, that delves into important ideas around activism and systems of oppression. This is a way for us to examine and disrupt harmful dominant narratives, tell new stories, and inspire one another to use our creativity and personal power to help build the collective world we all want to live in! In the end you will have a beautiful and meaningful handmade deck of 35 oracle cards to use as unique a tool for guidance and reflection whenever you need it.  I'm your host,  Mindy Tsonas Choi , an artist, organizer, radical belonging activist, and the founder of the Be Seen Project - a grassroots initiative resourcing BIPOC artist and makers working in activism. Join me along with other stellar artists, makers and co-creators who have also been exploring social justice and activism as part of their creativ

The Cost of Selling Belonging

As someone who use to sell belonging and believed I was creating something universally magical , I now have fresh eyes on the harm that I once caused. I understand what can (and was) incredibly healing and impactful for some, was at the same time excluding, marginalizing and undervaluing others. First, to anyone who ever felt like they did not belong to anything I created because they were unable to afford it or felt like they did not have the social capitol to join -  I am sincerely sorry for not seeing you sooner .   To our entire creative community as a whole, I urge us all to think about belonging in new and equitable ways, and to do the work of dismantling these hierarchical structures that leave so many people out of the circle. We all deserve to have access to creativity and belonging, and I'd go so far as to say both are fundamental basic human needs and rights. Selling belonging can look like... Creating spaces and experiences that can only be accessed by buying in at one,

what's in a name?

It’s May 14, 2020 and I’m on a transnational call with a social worker and translator of the SOS Children’s Village offices in South Korea. It’s 7pm my time and 9am the next day in Korea, which adds to the surreal quality of the moment. It is my first long distance call following my inquiry with the organization documented to be my first place of entry into the system, found in my Korean records (the acquisition of which is an incredible story in and of itself). It was July 21, 1972 and I was 5 months old. It’s a small miracle the organization still exists, and an even bigger blessing that they took such time and care in searching for information and to talk it all through with me in person. I try not to cry as the call connects. What I learn is a lot of small details about that fateful evening which amount to nothing traceable, but still feel like huge missing pieces of my life. I was left near the entrance around 7pm under a small tree, wrapped in a blanket with only a name scribble