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making room for a little T&A

This time of year, it's becoming the tradition that I am not only focused on abundance and my deep gratitude therein, but tis the season I am also musing playfully on the amplitude of my sass - not to be mistaken for the magnitude of my ass, but I guess there is a little of that too.

It's burlesque season.  

Time for sparkly headpieces, feathery boas, and skimpy little bits of this and that, to the tunes of Tchaikovsky and Mike Doughty.  But it's more than that.  It is about making space in my life for a playful sexiness that is often elusive.  In this creative community there is often talk about the softer side of sensuality, passion, and desire, but we rarely talk about nuts and bolts and the nitty gritty of S.E.X.  I get it.  It's a leap for many people to go there and a topic that is riddled with pressure points and triggers that tends to keep the subject from really rising to the surface, but I find myself wanting to keep trying to go there.  In the undercurrent, it is a popular topic that seems to touch a nerve, but on the surface it kind of feels like a meadow at midnight - lonely and quiet except for the sound of crickets.  I'm okay with that.  I'm happy that you're listening.

And truthfully, is not that easy.  In fact, I struggle a bit with the mercurial nature of these things in my own life.  Let's be honest, most days there is nary a sexy moment to be had and it often feels like the stars have to be aligned with such precision, kind of like a solar eclipse on a leap year, in order to really get my groove on.

In the sex-pos community, everyone is always talking about sex.  Everywhere else, not so much.  So I find myself weaving in and out of this world to the ebb and flow of my own mercurial need, desire and libido, which is kind of like being at a carnival and getting on and off the wildest rides.  It can be dizzying and thrilling, and sometimes I just need a break.  I wish I could find a better way to integrate these things, but I haven't figured that out yet and still find myself getting tripped up by a myriad of mundane and complex things.

And I'm not really talking about actually having sex, but more about living in a way that fully embraces who I am (sexually, and otherwise).  There are conversations that I want to have about marriage and gender and orientation and relationships and sex-education and a zillion other things, and I am not really sure where to have those conversations because I really want to have them here, in the core of my world, instead of only with the people who are more in the margins of my life and are already talking about these things all the time.  It is great to have this sexy community, don't get me wrong, but isn't there something just so thrilling about joyfully bringing others into the fold of something new and wonderful?!?  Integration is where it's at.  Right now it feels a little door-to-door salesman-ish maybe because I am not sold on how to deliver the goods myself (at least not in any clearly defined way), and even though I'm not selling dogma or false promises I sometimes second guess my own motives for wanting to help women embrace their sexual power.  I am still learning to embrace my own.      

So, with the show coming up I am thinking that it is good to be thrown tutu-first into this saucy world every now and then.  It's a great reminder that there definitely is significant juice in this part of my life, and that I really do want to spread this sparkly and sexy joie de vivre to booty shakers everywhere!