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having conviction helps

image by artist and writer Natasha Gornik 
(note: her blog contains adult themes, so please be click aware)

A friend of mine recently pegged me spot on, as a hand-wringer.  It's not the most admirable quality, I know, but it just sometimes takes me a while to get through that period of questioning and mulling over before I can throw caution to the wind and just go all in.  What I am learning is that this level of conviction is so much more empowering and creates so much more momentum and clarity than staying in that grayish place of uncertainty for too long.  Even if I happen to change my mind about something halfway, it's all good because I then at least know which direction not to go.    

I realized while writing the last post and then sitting with those niggling thoughts a bit longer and talking with my peeps, that I've been doing too much hemming and hawing and it was making me kind of nutty.  The gray area compounds itself of you let it.  I know what I believe, but I've been holding back the fire and conviction and it's time to toss that caution to the wind.  I've spent the better part of this year building a more solid and true foundation for my creative life, and a part of that has been letting my more intimate voice speak which has been fun and interesting.  For the most part I have been treading lightly.  I thought that things might mostly show up in the form of more fictional storytelling, erotic tales and the like, but more and more I know that I want to just tell my own story as it is.  It's pretty interesting, actually.  Ask my husband.

So, as I am gearing up and getting ready for 3 art shows and 1 sexy show in the coming months, I'm feeling the harmony vibrate at just the right frequency.  Yes.  I am happiest when I can be unapologetically all of me, but who isn't?  I'm all hearts and flowers, with a healthy side of dirty talk.  



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