As adults, one huge reward for having done the whole growing up thing is that we come to a place in our lives where we finally can own our sexual agency.
Meaning, we can make decisions about what role sex and our own sexuality plays in our life. Unapologetically. I think we often forget this truth.
Luckily, we're not in 9th grade anymore where the girls who "did it" were labeled sluts and the girls who didn't were "teases" and "prudish". It makes me sad that these seem to be the only points of reference we learn about while growing up, that if you choose sex the cost of that is often a boatload of shame. The crazy thing is that these beliefs often follow us into our adult life without even realizing it. We are so programed to the good/bad mentality around sex, that we don't even realize how our own views are skewed.
Sexual agency and values should be taught alongside the birds and the bees, and this antiquated way we educate children and teens around sex is only helping to perpetuate this legacy of shame.
It's time to straighten this shit out.
As I've been looking into sex education, I'm finding that while a greater level of tolerance is being taught, the LGBTQQAA spectrum is expanding and being recognized, personal empowerment is not. Sex is still being taught with the same old Procter & Gamble cartoon movies we saw in school. Seriously? We might as well be talking about cavemen.
There is no modern context or personal values being discussed. And forget about pleasure... even though, you know, 99.9% of all sex is for pleasure! But this is often the funny joke we sheepishly laugh at as parents, when our kids question if we've only had sex "x" number of times, right? This is the time we look them squarely in the eye and say, "Of course NOT." and start that conversation.
And so it begins with us. The adults. Who survived the torrid teen years of coming of age. We need to look at our own views of sex and come to our own conclusions about what we believe and want for our own sexual lives, because I think a lot of us don't truly know what we value and believe outside of what our parents taught us, or our religion, our our friends growing up, or the media, etc.
We need to get to know and get comfortable with our own sexuality so we can
... be unapologetic to ourselves and go after authentic pleasure with an all-in, hell yeah, attitude.
... ditch the shame that's constantly being unloaded on us.
... and wildly thrive in our own sexual pleasure and beliefs and own the shit out of it.
It's time to pass on a different legacy of choice, empowerment, responsibility, understanding, and pleasure.
Don't you think?