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desire finds me, every time

* fire and ice *

Sometimes I have to just turn it all off, shut it all out to try to balance on what feels like a head of a pin, lest I teeter in any direction and the entirety of my being comes crashing down.


It can feel desperate and wild... but I've learned that I need that crevasse to fall into every once in a while, to be swallowed whole by decadent darkness in order to find my way back to myself.  It is as elemental to my being as air and water. Alice In Wonderland syndrome.  Falling down the rabbit hole.  Burning so hot and fast that sometimes I just turn to ash.  

Always, the first sign of re-entry is the stirring of desire... a quiet yearning to re-connect, to be seen, to create, to touch, to feel again...

Desire, is what saves me every time.

And this part where it is all tenderly opening... ripening... softening... offering... feeding my life in warm and gently coaxing gulps, feels like a gift, one I cherish, each and every time.

The best part of getting lost is being found.