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Showing posts from February, 2014

because it bears repeating (again and again)

A closet is just a hard conversation .... (I heart you Ash Beckham)... and we all have them. Every time I watch this video, I find so many gems I want to keep and hold tight to... especially the idea  that hard is hard - and we all have hard.   Great wisdom and grand equalizer! I wanted to share it with you here, today, because I'm sort of quietly celebrating a level of transparency around how I exist in the world after what has felt like a very long and slow evolution, one more with myself than with all of you.  As I thought about where I'm at while updating my About page today, I realized that I am comfortably sitting on the other side of fear.  That's not to say that I am completely fearless, but what I know now with a new certainty is that my fear is no longer in control .  I'm not sure exactly when it happened... it was a slow letting go rather than a wild leap of faith (thought there is always some of that, along the way), but I can sense h


My oldest bought this giant bin of junk jewelry last spring at a vintage flea market.  It was a bit of a hurdle for me to allow this big bunch of junk into my house, but once I let go,  I literally found the miracle .  The lesson continues... and here we are almost a year later, and I can't count how many times either Alex or I have said to him that he needs to do something with all of this stuff - as that was part of the deal - or it will have all been for naught and just another consumptive impulse. It was sitting in his closet for many months.  Then it moved into the basement, brought back upstairs to live in the play area for a while, back downstairs, and now finally the sorting and deconstruction has begun.  All it took was a little inspired action of buying the little guy his own bead container, and the mad search for treasure (and trading) was on!   So he's been digging in, sifting through the bits, taking apart the pieces and discarding or giving away

it wasn't really a story about sex after all

One of the defining moments for me this past weekend was sitting inside the safe glow of a candlelit table across from E, and telling her my authentic sex story.  She did ask after all, after I asked her about hers.  And truthfully, no-one has ever directly asked me before.  No one in this corner of the authentic living community at least. It felt really, really good... finally. To be honest, it was a little intimidating too.  I did my best to walk the walk while talking the talk, and what I realized while having this conversation out loud, was that this wasn't necessarily a story about sex, at all.  It was a story about communication and truth and trust. Here I was, thinking that I just wanted people to be able to know what their true desires are, and I do - that is a big part of it -----> name it and claim it, baby <----- but I was never clear about the why  and the how.   Like I said, clarity people! So the WHY is this:  we can not live authentically, be joy

channeling magic and clarity

A beautiful weekend full of revelations, inspiration, laughter and so much love, as well as an abundance of reminders to stay open to it all because it is, indeed... all happening!   E is the wise and fierce mother of hearts and she makes a gorgeous cup of coffee.  I think because she lives in such a wide open channel, to be in her orbit you just simply get drenched in magic and light.   I graciously received... clarity, nourishment, possibility...  and elevation.  Some people in this life just elevate you, call you forth into your own true and powerful self by simply being who they are.  Heading down to Provy I was in a bit of a fog.  Coming home, it was like I was immersed in crystal clear light.  In showing up, I was able to breathe... believe... and receive, baby!  With gentle being, ease, laughter, truth, and kindness I was able to better tune into my own channel. And so I realized, once again, the critical importance of having mirrors in your lif

la vie boheme

I had a really potent and very telling dream last night.  I dreamt that I was dying.  But it wasn't the dying that I was afraid of.... it was the thought of not living... it was a fear of disappearing... it was leaving all this beauty behind.  In my dream I took this beautiful portrait of my mother, full of buttery light, her standing against a shimmery turquoise colored wall.  It brought me so much peace while in my minds eye I wondered and struggled with...  how I can live while dying? So attuned to what I am feeling right now. It's never been more clear to me how my physical body is so completely tied to my overall wellness.  Yes, I've always understood this in a clinical and sort of theoretical way, but I have never really experienced the depth of that connection until now.  What can I say?  I am an experiential learner through and through. I seem to have waltzed into this new year with a really crappy dance partner... an umbilical hernia, and it has been seri

it's a snow day, it's a full moon

It's not really a bad day.  It's actually a really good day, but I love this song and with this weather and the moon and the melancholy, and such a sweet melody... well, it sort of seemed to fit...   "First by mind, then by music." The kids are home and I have lots of projects to work on, and a quick trip to the library planned before the storm really kicks in so we can stock up on books and movies for vacation week.  Maybe stop at the farmer's market too for some fresh soup and bread for lunch since Alex will be coming home early as well. I see some cozy studio and snuggle time in my near future... "It's a slow dive down.  It's a fast distraction." Having a husband who works at a school is really such a luxury.  I often forget that not everyone gets to sink into family time during vacations and holidays and snow days, and I love those mornings when 6am rolls around and there's still a sturdy warm body in my bed, while

meeting other mom friends is sort of like speed dating

With my youngest in preschool this year, I am meeting lots of new moms.  I have to admit, I am fairly timid and tend to hang on the fringe when plunged into an unfamiliar and random cross-section of women.  I tend to do so much better within my own species - quirky, artsy, entrepreneurial free spirits, and girls who are a little on the woo-woo side, gathered together for some similar creative purpose.  In the wider motherhood sea, I dress a little differently, I don't go to many soccer or baseball games, and I'm not really a joiner as far as all the mom driven roles in schools, troops and teams.  I'm just not that particular kind of mom.  I appreciate those moms, but I am unquestionably not one of them. My kids will try to hook me up with this mom and that and sometimes it's a good fit for all of us, but sometimes it doesn't work out.  It's not that I have to love the parents of my kid's friends, but it's really nice when I do.  Then, there is alwa

aspiring to integration

In a nutshell, it looks like this: Volunteering for my kid's Valentines Day party and for the local production of The Vagina Monologues. Answering my son's questions about same-sex attraction and about school lunch nutrition (or lack there of) in the same conversation. Reading my twitter feed that is becoming more and more equal parts artful inspiration and sex-positivity. Getting emails about how I've inspired someone to live a more fulfilled and truthful life, creatively or sexually. Wearing my core beliefs and heart on my sleeve. Listening with amusement, sans jealousy or awkwardness, to my husband talk about his own desires and knowing we can totally find a way to go there. Having an active profile on a babysitting website and a dating website (and if I had to choose one, I'd totally go for the babysitter extraordinaire!). Openly sharing from all facets of my life and being met with unending gratitude, support and love. Standing at the check