Skip to main content

meeting other mom friends is sort of like speed dating

With my youngest in preschool this year, I am meeting lots of new moms.  I have to admit, I am fairly timid and tend to hang on the fringe when plunged into an unfamiliar and random cross-section of women.  I tend to do so much better within my own species - quirky, artsy, entrepreneurial free spirits, and girls who are a little on the woo-woo side, gathered together for some similar creative purpose.  In the wider motherhood sea, I dress a little differently, I don't go to many soccer or baseball games, and I'm not really a joiner as far as all the mom driven roles in schools, troops and teams.  I'm just not that particular kind of mom.  I appreciate those moms, but I am unquestionably not one of them.

My kids will try to hook me up with this mom and that and sometimes it's a good fit for all of us, but sometimes it doesn't work out.  It's not that I have to love the parents of my kid's friends, but it's really nice when I do.  Then, there is always that moment in a new mom-relationship when you know this one is for keeps.  Really, it's hard to gauge what kind of person someone is in the fast paced, fleeting, fly-bys of school.  Sometimes you have to open up and just dive in.

This past weekend I met two new moms during playdates, one for each kiddo, and I'm happy to report both went really well!  I'm always relieved to get the first date over with, to have a better sense where things might be going... like, will I just be having the little boy over for dinner or might I invite the mom sometime too?  Can we talk about the real stuff or is it all only about the kids and the next classroom event?  One of the moms had me at her offering of fresh eggs from her front-yard chicken coop adding in talk about food allergies and a trying new diagnosis, and the other opened the door for both of us when she confided in me about her marriage.  Honesty about the messiness will always win my heart and I try to stay open and invite that in.  Just not everyone wants to go there.  I understand.

Maybe that's part of the challenge for me;  I'm just not really wired for superficial connections.  They make me feel terribly awkward.  I am affable and fairly likable, I think.  I can hold up my end of a conversation on the playground and help set up parties with enthusiasm and a genuine smile on my face, but I would so much rather have something real to sink into.  It's just my nature.

This certainly is not a pre-requisite for any of my kid's friends, so I'm even more grateful when I do make those connections - when mom to mom we can be real people and not just an extension of our little ones.  We need each other as moms, as women, beyond however we may seem to each other on the outside.


  1. Exactly how I used to feel, so not that small tslk gal. Glad you are finding some new connections....smiling as I read this. xox

    1. it makes me smile that you're smiling ;) xoxo


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Inner Alchemy Cards: Build A New World Deck

Our next make-your-own card adventure is finally here! Inner Alchemy Collage: Build A New World Deck (online) is an artful exploration of language, learning, inspiration, and collaboration, that delves into important ideas around activism and systems of oppression. This is a way for us to examine and disrupt harmful dominant narratives, tell new stories, and inspire one another to use our creativity and personal power to help build the collective world we all want to live in! In the end you will have a beautiful and meaningful handmade deck of 35 oracle cards to use as unique a tool for guidance and reflection whenever you need it.  I'm your host,  Mindy Tsonas Choi , an artist, organizer, radical belonging activist, and the founder of the Be Seen Project - a grassroots initiative resourcing BIPOC artist and makers working in activism. Join me along with other stellar artists, makers and co-creators who have also been exploring social justice and activism as part of their creativ

The Cost of Selling Belonging

As someone who use to sell belonging and believed I was creating something universally magical , I now have fresh eyes on the harm that I once caused. I understand what can (and was) incredibly healing and impactful for some, was at the same time excluding, marginalizing and undervaluing others. First, to anyone who ever felt like they did not belong to anything I created because they were unable to afford it or felt like they did not have the social capitol to join -  I am sincerely sorry for not seeing you sooner .   To our entire creative community as a whole, I urge us all to think about belonging in new and equitable ways, and to do the work of dismantling these hierarchical structures that leave so many people out of the circle. We all deserve to have access to creativity and belonging, and I'd go so far as to say both are fundamental basic human needs and rights. Selling belonging can look like... Creating spaces and experiences that can only be accessed by buying in at one,

what's in a name?

It’s May 14, 2020 and I’m on a transnational call with a social worker and translator of the SOS Children’s Village offices in South Korea. It’s 7pm my time and 9am the next day in Korea, which adds to the surreal quality of the moment. It is my first long distance call following my inquiry with the organization documented to be my first place of entry into the system, found in my Korean records (the acquisition of which is an incredible story in and of itself). It was July 21, 1972 and I was 5 months old. It’s a small miracle the organization still exists, and an even bigger blessing that they took such time and care in searching for information and to talk it all through with me in person. I try not to cry as the call connects. What I learn is a lot of small details about that fateful evening which amount to nothing traceable, but still feel like huge missing pieces of my life. I was left near the entrance around 7pm under a small tree, wrapped in a blanket with only a name scribble