Skip to main content

sex-positivity and motherhood



One of the things I think a lot about as a mom and a feminist is integrating a positive, age appropriate, respectful attitude around sex and sexuality.  And in a shame-based, sex negative culture this can often be really tricky.  These things don't marry easily.

If you know my story and have been following along with me and my family's journey, you know this is an important and very relevant core aspect of our belief system and values - a wide openness around things that many others keep hidden, fighting against the fear and shame.

So, when Alex found these lovely Goddess cards at the vintage flea market today and my oldest saw him buy them and was of course curious (he is an 11 year old boy after all), it was a teachable moment where we could talk about such things.  It's not the kind of thing we are inclined to hide.

I grew up in a home that was very sex-positive in this way.  There was never any shame or deep secrecy around adult delicacies, and I always have felt so empowered by how I was taught to both respect women and nudity and sexuality in general, but I also learned to not feel threatened by the desires of my partner <---- huge, right?  I owe my mom so much for being the strong, sensible, warrior women she is.  To this day I am grateful for this subtle but much bigger life lesson.

While we won't be playing Go Fish with the kids using these cards, they know they exist in our life, and that is enough.  I know this from my own experience growing up, that normalizing sex and desire is part of instilling the kind of values we hope they will carry with them.  Small gestures along the way towards a much greater understanding and tolerance, that also allow for opportunities to ask questions and have meaningful conversations.  Sex positivity grows from these tiny seeds that ultimately have to be strong enough to survive complexities and social stigma that threaten a healthy attitude around every turn.

In this house, what we fight to keep our children sheltered from is the judgement and shame and not necessarily sexuality itself.

I can only hope it's a battle we can win.



 

Comments

  1. just by showing up and meeting the battle, it's won. your boys have such a gift and i have no doubt they will truly appreciate it in adulthood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Inner Alchemy Cards: Build A New World Deck

Our next make-your-own card adventure is finally here! Inner Alchemy Collage: Build A New World Deck (online) is an artful exploration of language, learning, inspiration, and collaboration, that delves into important ideas around activism and systems of oppression. This is a way for us to examine and disrupt harmful dominant narratives, tell new stories, and inspire one another to use our creativity and personal power to help build the collective world we all want to live in! In the end you will have a beautiful and meaningful handmade deck of 35 oracle cards to use as unique a tool for guidance and reflection whenever you need it.  I'm your host,  Mindy Tsonas Choi , an artist, organizer, radical belonging activist, and the founder of the Be Seen Project - a grassroots initiative resourcing BIPOC artist and makers working in activism. Join me along with other stellar artists, makers and co-creators who have also been exploring social justice and activism as part of their creativ

The Cost of Selling Belonging

As someone who use to sell belonging and believed I was creating something universally magical , I now have fresh eyes on the harm that I once caused. I understand what can (and was) incredibly healing and impactful for some, was at the same time excluding, marginalizing and undervaluing others. First, to anyone who ever felt like they did not belong to anything I created because they were unable to afford it or felt like they did not have the social capitol to join -  I am sincerely sorry for not seeing you sooner .   To our entire creative community as a whole, I urge us all to think about belonging in new and equitable ways, and to do the work of dismantling these hierarchical structures that leave so many people out of the circle. We all deserve to have access to creativity and belonging, and I'd go so far as to say both are fundamental basic human needs and rights. Selling belonging can look like... Creating spaces and experiences that can only be accessed by buying in at one,

what's in a name?

It’s May 14, 2020 and I’m on a transnational call with a social worker and translator of the SOS Children’s Village offices in South Korea. It’s 7pm my time and 9am the next day in Korea, which adds to the surreal quality of the moment. It is my first long distance call following my inquiry with the organization documented to be my first place of entry into the system, found in my Korean records (the acquisition of which is an incredible story in and of itself). It was July 21, 1972 and I was 5 months old. It’s a small miracle the organization still exists, and an even bigger blessing that they took such time and care in searching for information and to talk it all through with me in person. I try not to cry as the call connects. What I learn is a lot of small details about that fateful evening which amount to nothing traceable, but still feel like huge missing pieces of my life. I was left near the entrance around 7pm under a small tree, wrapped in a blanket with only a name scribble