It's hard to believe, but vacation is almost over. The leaves are just starting to turn, the marsh grass is fading to gold, my husband is back at work, and it is time to start thinking about back to school and beyond in earnest.
After some serious summering, it feels like time.
I spent a lot of the day yesterday writing out my dream schedule for the weeks ahead, visioning the heck out of all the small details since it will now include more wide open time for me to truly lean into my work. It's time to really show up. I've wondered, for forever it seems, about what I could really accomplish if I had more time, and it is about to be delivered in spades. For the first time in 11 years, I will be on my own for most of the day as two boys will be boarding the bus for school every morning.
They are ready. I am ready.
I am trying to think bigger while not putting too many expectations on anything, leaving space for the unknowns that I know will appear and room for ease and flow so that I don't burn out. Here is some of what I am wishing for (in no particular order):
* 25-30 flexible hours of focused of work, which looks like integrative writing, creating, planning, collaborating, studio time, alchemizing, and general biz admin with much fine-tuning and streamlining happening in this particular area
* necessary time for yoga or barre or walking the beach, and tuning into my body every day
* at least once a month, artist date or spontaneous field trip
* teaching at events, workshops and retreats, both online and in person
* hosting my yummy Brunches and Wish Alchemists Circle
* room for a few special side projects
* time to learn and take classes myself
* time to rest and re-feul, paint and write and make just for fun
* regular date nights and adventures with Alex
The expanse of this new routine already includes the addition of a new fantabulous caregiver, which I am currently in the process of manifesting and hiring, and some significant work goals that I have never had previously as new opportunities are already arriving at my door requiring such things. I finally feel like I'll have the opportunity to do some of the things I have always been longing to, and I am so excited to make a go at it.
I've always told myself the story that I'm not disciplined enough, I'm not cut out for doing what it takes to really be successful in a sustainable way. I have always somehow talked myself out of working too hard, and time was often the excuse. Because there is that fear of... what if I show up to the work and it doesn't happen? I can already hear the gremlins trying to tell me, still, there won't be enough time. But I also think it's an evolutionary thing, that something has to align inside of you to brew the right kind of alchemy for manifesting personal magic, and I feel that momentum - that belief in myself, shiny, tender and ready to try. I am holding onto the abundance in a new way.
I owe it to myself to at least try my best, with as much love and support I can draw up, and find out. And what I do know is that it won't end up looking like what I imagine it will... it will take it's own course and become whatever I am.
So much to discover... no pressure, no judgement - my grounding mantra... and I can not wait.