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a bittersweet symphony

There is so much these days, piled on top of one another in a wild disarray of full-on living. It sort of looks like my kitchen table, covered with papers from school, boxes of feathers and heart-shaped confetti mixed with bags of school supplies, and several notebooks flung open mid scribble. Seems like everything is streaming at max cosmic capacity right now. Life is overflowing with pure abundance, turquoise bicycles dropping out of the sky.

Yeah, it's been like that. Overwhelmingly full.

So far, the new spaciousness is holding it all. A shiny new routine of putting two boys on the school bus every day, today being the inaugural event, momentous and bittersweet. That seems to be the overarching theme of this time of transition - excitement and joy swirled with a little uncertainty and overwhelm for all of us. It's a lot of changes all at once.

In yoga the other day the focus was on the transitions, the space between the poses. Our teacher asked us to pay attention to how those moments felt as much as the poses themselves. To me, it felt messy. I fumbled and lost my flow a lot. Some of it was my expectations of how it should go, the other part was simply the wisdom of the present moment. I just seem to be in the imperfection of transition.

So I am digging deep in order to stay grounded, rooting into wide swaths of work and embracing the fullness instead of trying to resist it, staying awake to the messiness. Really, if I start to dwell on everything I'd want to just lay in the sun and take a nap. There is so much to do and so many ducks to align in a row, and also many spoils to revel in. New containers need to be carved out, both literal and figurative, to help with all that is pouring in, and we are slowly figuring out what might stick and what must go. We're wrangling stuff, and ideas, and routines, trying to figure out what the new normal looks like, but so far it's all a bit of a hot mess.

The only thing that is certain right now, is the fact that things are changing. I can't wait for the dust to finally settle a bit, til I find my balance in next pose. Until then, breathing deeply into each moment in between... inhale, all that's possible... exhale, a heart full of gentle ease.



  1. change. change. change. That message is everywhere. I am not comfortable with all the change I am experiencing/witnessing. But I don't know that this is mine to choose ... the changes ... but it is mine to choose how I make my way through them. Surrender? yes. but I also want to be proactive. I want to work with the energy. thank you for a few moments to clarify something within myself.

    1. oh, yes... I feel both those elements of surrender (trust?) and activity and movement. I think so much of our creative work is a marriage of these two things. thank YOU for shedding even more light, Cynthia!


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