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i refuse to be a fringe dweller

"river of love" (so I'm calling this photo, which also harkens back to a silly story
from our wedding ;) by Alex Tsonas

I was listening to a podcast the other day, and a woman was talking about "fringe dwellers" or the people who exist on the margins of society. She considered herself one of them, as a female sex worker, educator, advocate. Somehow this idea really made me cringe, this notion of being pushed to the outer edges of society because of certain lifestyle choices or even innate desires/needs/orientations. I think for a lot of reasons I have always fought to find my place and belong.

I do see in my current work/life how sex educators are marginalized in general, and if you are an advocate and also talk about actually having sex from a personal standpoint, this somehow makes you even less credible as a professional or intelligent human being -----> because our culture is so crazily sex-negative.

And so I just felt so passionately and absolutely, like... fuck NO, with every fiber of my being.

I refuse to accept being pushed to the edges, for any reason. 

Because we all have tendencies or circumstances that could marginalize us.

Because we are all complex, multifaceted human beings.

Because in one way or another, sex and sexuality is an aspect of all our lives.

I think this is why I am so fiercely committed to being seen as a whole person - a wife, mother, daughter, artist, friend, lover, sex advocate, etc. - and for all of those facets to be clearly visible in the mix, because this is what makes me human ------> and humanity is the great equalizer. It's what de-margionalizes all of us.  

So while I know there are places on the social landscape that are more hidden and in the shadows, I refuse to live there. As an Asian, adopted, non-religious but alternatively spiritual, interracially married woman to a bi guy, and in an open relationship, I have a lot of reasons why I could choose to stay on the fringe.  But that's not where I belong. It's not where I'll ever choose to exist.

Because we all deserve to live in the light.

I am decidedly a light dweller.

That's where you'll always find me.

That is where YOU belong too.


  1. Love this, Mindy. I'll be mulling over your words all day today. :)

    1. thank you so much, camille! and I would LOVE to know your thoughts!!! xo


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