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joyous body, wild flesh

I always need a safe container. 

This is true for all of my work, whether it be within my day to day schedule, devotion to my writing and other practices, or the physical presence of my studio table that is always ready for my creative projects. With this new way of eating, it's been finding freedom inside of 1480. Calories that is. That is the healthful number I was given to begin with. What I wanted to do differently this time was to make space for healthy food choices that were not an act of defiant depravation, but rather a fierce kind of listening and honoring of my body. True nourishment. And what I found was that inside of this magic number, there was plenty, spaciousness, abundance and...freedom!

This awareness has made all the difference, being able to choose how I eat while staying close to love in every bite. No guilt. No pressure. All grace.

Here's what I've learned thus far:

* Eating intuitively is where it's at. I don't prescribe to any kind of Plan. I've tried it all before, gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, meat free, Atkins, the Master Cleanse.... I have done it all in the name of dieting. I'm done with that. When I eat more intuitively, my nutrition is generally pretty balanced as well as light on excess bad stuff. My body tends to crave what it needs, if I listen. If I really truly listen.

* I really need to watch my portions. Coming from a feast on life, sort of point of view where I'd sample from the buffet heartily and with abandon, this is a big shift for me. Smaller, beautiful plates are what I try to create. 

* It took a while for me to learn my body's real cues.... like what hunger really felt like, and being full enough, to sense a need vs. a craving especially before my cycle. I try not to be too black and white about it, too all or nothing. That is not a sustainable way to go. Often a bite or two of something decadent, will satisfy.

* My sugar, carb, salt story was way off. Sweets have never been my thing, but I had fallen into that crazy routine of eating a meal and then craving dessert. I can tell now that was a blood sugar thing, that over-eating led to more cravings. I'm not a dessert girl. Salt is another story, and something I need to keep my eye on. 

* My body yearns to stretch and move. I often would ignore the urges and tell myself I am too tired or didn't have enough time. Now I listen. When I'm yearning for yoga, I roll out my matt. When I need to burn, I go for a walk. And my body is stronger and wiser than I ever gave it credit for. It wants to be challenged.

* I love fresh. Canned or processed foods make my body sad. I can tell even at restaurants when things are not made from real food. Even though a lot of this stuff "tastes" good, they don't make my body feel very good.

* I've had to make the changes slowly. I downloaded the app that would serve as my guidepost in January, but let myself off the hook until I really felt ready, which wasn't until May. I began on a random day, not the first of the month so it didn't feel like A Plan. I started when I felt committed and ready. It was a Tuesday. Momentous none the less.

* I don't weigh myself very often. I'm not married to a number so much as I am gauging how I feel inside my own skin. I can tell by how my clothes fit, and tossing away the bigger clothes has been it's own sort of sweet hallelujah! I've begun to clean out my closet and have made a pact with myself to not own anything that doesn't fit me, right now - no secret stash of "someday" clothes. Only sacred adornments that make me feel gooood, today. 

* I don't judge or bash my food choices. I used to eat with a lot of guilt. Now I treat myself with kindness. I am not what I eat, I am more clearly reflected in the choices I make.... the how and why behind the food. As long as I am mindful about the choices, I feel like I am honoring the process and don't sweat the occasional indulgence.

* I have to have a fall-back plan. On the days that are really hard, I don't focus on what I am not able to do. Rather, I find one thing that I can do and I celebrate the heck out of that, like eat a plate of greens, do a few sun salutations, drink lots of water. Something simple that is my ace in the hole no matter what. Forward progress by baby stepping, every damn day.

* I need to be committed to where I am in the present, while also having my eye on the bigger picture. In other words, I have to honor the slow and steady progress and the fact this is not a transition that happens over night. There is a commitment and wisdom that is greater than what I see happening from day to day. 

And I haven’t looked back. 

The gap between how I feel on the inside and how I want to feel on the outside, is narrowing. I'm chasing that feeling more than an end result.

My body has kept me from doing things I want to do, and I am SO done with allowing that to be true. With a lighter constitution, new dreams and wishes are emerging and all the shedding has held important lessons I'm working through as they come up. It’s been a physical letting go for sure, but there also has been an unexpected emotional component as well. It's years of internal heaviness and weight that I have become so accustomed to holding onto and carrying, and as the ounces fall away there has been both mourning and celebration inside of this transition. A recalibration of the highest order. 

But the realignment is truly happening, and I am grateful for the healing it's taken me to get to this place: joyous and wild and heartbreakingly true.... that is where I live my very best life.


  1. Whoop! Roar! I love how good you sound in this post - joyful body indeed!! xoox

  2. I am with you 100%!! Same thing going on down here at my house… see you soon!! xoxo

    1. you go, girl! and yay for getting together soon!!! xo

  3. This spoke to me today - thank you for sharing it :).


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