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Showing posts from February, 2016

intimacy as evolution

One of the biggest changes in my life since opening up my marriage is the discovery of the infinite possibilities of non-binary relationships . By this I mean, all the connections that can not be defined by checking a single box or sticking on a neat label that identifies: Friend or Lover. There are apparently, a zillion points in between. It is never definitively either or. In the normative, linear landscape of typical dating there is a natural progression that narrates any love story, meet...fall in love...marry...forsake all others, but in the world of non-monogamy where the end game is not a search for a happily-ever-after life partner, but the distillation of the connection itself, the trajectory cracks open a new dimension of intimacy. In this alternate universe it becomes solely about getting to know someone with grand permission to explore all the juicy intersections and overlaps with no specific destination in mind. There is time and space to allow and adventure into wh

all the wishes

This could easily go on record as my Worst Birthday Ever. It's a close contest between my current circumstance and that of my 21st birthday, where I was laid up in a dorm room deathly sick instead of reveling in the right of passage of ordering my first legal drink amidst celebrating friends. My 44th year has arrived in a dramatic way that will not be soon forgotten. I'm apart from my husband going on day 3, who is still in the domestic trenches of trying to manage a failed heating system during the coldest temperatures on record in decades. We were set to rendezvous in Rhode Island for a rare weekend away, when literally hours before leaving everything fell spectacularly apart. No heat or hot water + sub zero temps are not a pretty combination. Add that to a long holiday weekend where everything is closed, and you get a long, arduous battle, attempting to keep water pipes from freezing and bursting in order to save your home and all your worldly possessions. Two nigh

love makes us brave

Permission is a funny thing. Sometimes it's the necessary kinetic thrust that will finally push you into embracing what you've simply wanted all along. It can come from inside and our own deep wells of self knowledge, but other times it might come in full force from those you love. Yesterday I was given such a gift by my 12 year old son. Funny how the keys can be handed to us in such unexpected ways. It started with this question I asked him while driving to the bookstore: "How would you feel if I was out in the world teaching about sex?" What I expected was a horrified look along with some version of "Mom, that's totally creepy.", but instead I got, "Fine (so matter of factly). What kind of teaching do you want to do?" And so the dialogue began and the door flew open inviting me to fully step through. Here I go. I'm sort of teary about it all. The fact that I have such an amazing, self aware, unflustered pre-teen boy who is