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intimacy as evolution

One of the biggest changes in my life since opening up my marriage is the discovery of the infinite possibilities of non-binary relationships. By this I mean, all the connections that can not be defined by checking a single box or sticking on a neat label that identifies: Friend or Lover. There are apparently, a zillion points in between. It is never definitively either or.

In the normative, linear landscape of typical dating there is a natural progression that narrates any love story, meet...fall in love...marry...forsake all others, but in the world of non-monogamy where the end game is not a search for a happily-ever-after life partner, but the distillation of the connection itself, the trajectory cracks open a new dimension of intimacy. In this alternate universe it becomes solely about getting to know someone with grand permission to explore all the juicy intersections and overlaps with no specific destination in mind. There is time and space to allow and adventure into whatever chemistry appears, and what that looks like with each person is wildly unique as the equation of where you might align emotionally and/or physically can never be predictably parsed. It is always a sweet surprise.

Just as the delineation can get blurred between someone who might be considered a Friend vs. Family, there is a similar slow deconstruction of boundaries that happens now in my relationships with others. It's never about only one emotion (love), one outcome (marriage), one direction (monogamy). It is about the wide open road to whatever there is to discover beyond those tidy expectations - a whole new paradigm where I sometimes find myself searching for the right words to articulate meaning and nuance. Not Friend or Lover, but something else entirely new each time.

Alex and I will always be each other's Home, Partner, Love of This Lifetime and Next, especially as the depths of what we share together grows and expands into every new emotional space we unearth together as two individuals converging - I never knew what limitlessness one love could contain.

And so what's out there still to experience, is everything... a feast so grand and decadent it is impossible to imagine every flavor. Because relationships are as unique as people themselves, and what a gorgeous and fascinating world of humans we live in. I find myself, at times, thinking about all the people I will never get to experience and the compelling light of so many wonderful beings I'll never get to know. It is such an extraordinary thing to get to witness someone else's humanity up close, every moment like a bright and shiny gift to unwrap. A treasure hunt like no other where the reward is not something you could ever hold or claim, but rather as intimacy wants to be, is both rare and catalytic to touch and you're irrevocably and forever changed.


  1. i heart the "slow deconstruction of boundaries" and the times when fast feels right too :)

  2. You scribe so perfectly the magical and delicious experiences of the whole life. I lived it and loved it. Yet I did not write about it. Thank you for being the voice of so many who are hushed ... Be loud and proud. As you are. Grace and beauty. Truth and bravery. Expanse love. Unbound. Free.

    1. your encouragement means so very much to my heart.... thank you for being there to cheer and share in all of this journey!!!! it's absolutely what helps me to be brave. xoxoxo

  3. Your writing is so good and deep and truthful and transparent. Thank you for sharing so bravely and for being such a unique and trustworthy voice in the world.

    1. thank you for saying with such generosity and truly warms and nourishes my heart!!! xoxo


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