Skip to main content

houses and parts


It is week six of this new rhythm. 

My parts are getting to know one another and I am getting to know them, as my therapist would say.

I woke up this morning after dreaming about The House. For as long as I can remember I have always dreamt about these houses... big, grand, beautiful ones with long hallways and huge rooms and so many secrets and fear places inside. In my twenties, there was a tall staircase with a locked door at the top, inside the house I dreamt of back then. I always walked up to go try the handle and it never would open, until one day it did and then the house changed. Somewhere in my thirties, I could freely wander through the vast courtyard and the third floor expanse, but it always felt like a dark and scary place, a haunted place I did not want to be. So the shadow rooms always stayed empty and uninhabited. I rarely would go there, but I could always feel their pull even when the dream was about something else entirely and took place in another part of the house.

Last night I was in a new house, floor after floor of crooked rooms at odd angles, and cluttered with piles and piles of stuff. It always feels familiar, so much like home yet always scary in places, but this house was different, no hidden places. Every room though, was filled with an overwhelming amount of things from past and present, trash and treasure. And so I just started cleaning.

Alex said to me after I told him about my dream, that I am the house. Of course. Makes so much sense, and I'm not sure why I never really thought of this. 

These are my parts. 

It's taken me decades to reach some of these deepest parts of my psyche, especially the ones I have no language for or memory of, but they are emerging little by little. Like in my dream, it all seems like an overwhelming mess, but I am slowly clearing and de-cluttering, and most importantly I finally feel like I have access to see what's underneath. It is incredibly exciting and also extremely terrifying -- I'm in the sweet spot of transformation, for sure.





Comments

  1. Yes, I do get it and thank you for sharing it with us. Honored and blessed. Learning through your shining of your light. Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sounds like your doing the work of turning the house into your home :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Inner Alchemy Cards: Build A New World Deck

Our next make-your-own card adventure is finally here! Inner Alchemy Collage: Build A New World Deck (online) is an artful exploration of language, learning, inspiration, and collaboration, that delves into important ideas around activism and systems of oppression. This is a way for us to examine and disrupt harmful dominant narratives, tell new stories, and inspire one another to use our creativity and personal power to help build the collective world we all want to live in! In the end you will have a beautiful and meaningful handmade deck of 35 oracle cards to use as unique a tool for guidance and reflection whenever you need it.  I'm your host,  Mindy Tsonas Choi , an artist, organizer, radical belonging activist, and the founder of the Be Seen Project - a grassroots initiative resourcing BIPOC artist and makers working in activism. Join me along with other stellar artists, makers and co-creators who have also been exploring social justice and activism as part of their creativ

The Cost of Selling Belonging

As someone who use to sell belonging and believed I was creating something universally magical , I now have fresh eyes on the harm that I once caused. I understand what can (and was) incredibly healing and impactful for some, was at the same time excluding, marginalizing and undervaluing others. First, to anyone who ever felt like they did not belong to anything I created because they were unable to afford it or felt like they did not have the social capitol to join -  I am sincerely sorry for not seeing you sooner .   To our entire creative community as a whole, I urge us all to think about belonging in new and equitable ways, and to do the work of dismantling these hierarchical structures that leave so many people out of the circle. We all deserve to have access to creativity and belonging, and I'd go so far as to say both are fundamental basic human needs and rights. Selling belonging can look like... Creating spaces and experiences that can only be accessed by buying in at one,

what's in a name?

It’s May 14, 2020 and I’m on a transnational call with a social worker and translator of the SOS Children’s Village offices in South Korea. It’s 7pm my time and 9am the next day in Korea, which adds to the surreal quality of the moment. It is my first long distance call following my inquiry with the organization documented to be my first place of entry into the system, found in my Korean records (the acquisition of which is an incredible story in and of itself). It was July 21, 1972 and I was 5 months old. It’s a small miracle the organization still exists, and an even bigger blessing that they took such time and care in searching for information and to talk it all through with me in person. I try not to cry as the call connects. What I learn is a lot of small details about that fateful evening which amount to nothing traceable, but still feel like huge missing pieces of my life. I was left near the entrance around 7pm under a small tree, wrapped in a blanket with only a name scribble