I'd say more than anything these past several months have been a deep dive into some of the most complex and tender places of my heart. It is the culmination of a year that will go down in the books as one of my most transformative seasons of all time. They call it a completion year (which 2016 has been heralded to be, for those who believe in such things), and for me this has meant being immersed in healing work that has allowed me to finally pull back the curtain to see the truth of my own heart.
As it turns out, healing is not an end game. It really is just another beginning.
And while I can't say that I am clear through to the other side of what has turned out to be an extraordinary recovery mission, I am far enough along to know that everything has changed. This change is not a statement of good or bad, it is more an observation. I am gaining a new perspective I have never had access to, and this unfamiliar place feels both raw and open in a really beautiful way.
My word this last year was inveterasco - a latin word meaning to become both permanently rooted and expansive. What I thought was going to be a year in shoring up the foundation to allow for new potential growth ended up being so much more than that, a strengthening of my core in ways I couldn't see coming. It also took me half the year to first fall apart. Seven months of burning it all to the ground so I could see what would be left standing.
Now in this clearer and newfound space of intimacy and love, I can finally feel the difference between suffering and sadness. This is what 2016 will go down as... the year I let go of my suffering... the year I allowed myself to feel the depths of my sadness. This is where the suffering came from - the not allowing, the pushing away and trying to love with half my heart on lock down.
Hello, whole heart.
Hello, 2017 (almost....).
Can you feel why I'm excited?
While it's tempting to fly off in a million possible directions, I am being careful about what I'm choosing to fill my life with. I am recalibrating a lot of my beliefs and desires and dialing in more clarity around how I want to fully inhabit this heart. My word was revealed in this process. It's a good, sturdy, unsexy and necessary word.
What I do know now though, is what my work in this world truly looks like: creativity and community as a pathway to more fulfilling sex, love and intimacy.
I'm hoping that you might want more of this in your life too.
On this week's New Moon, I'm thrilled to be releasing a brand new project with my husband. Yes, it's true! It feels perfectly timed and ripe, and is a total adventure in devotion and vulnerability and love. We can't wait to share it with you. This project, part 2 of this post, along with the reveal of my word for 2017 will also be in Thursday's love letter. It's going to be a very juicy delivery!
Thank you for hanging with me through one of my wildest (and hardest) years, ever. Your love has truly helped me find my way.