Recently, stepping into each day has felt like a conscious act of coming back home, to recenter, realign, and re-wild by shaking off all the external stories in whatever way feels really really good. For me, this week, it's been painting the feminine, a practice I've decidedly embraced with full-on passion and pleasure. The constant barrage of information and opinions want to stick to you like static, and static is not at all good for light workers.
As we are needed to stay present and active right now more than ever, this is exactly why it is also time for exquisite tending of our boundaries and needs... to stay in Sacred Contract with ourselves... so we can show up and do the work that is needed, and still land in JOY as much as possible.
A sacred contract with yourself can look like a lot of different things. It can be fluid to shift and hold exactly what it is you need on any given day. Think of the things inside this contract as the non-negotiables, what you absolutely have to have in order to function beautifully on a daily basis, then build in a little extra.
The extra is actually the key! Because if we fill the well just to full we are constantly working to maintain the level of 'just enough'. To stay juicy and soft and in flow in our feminine badassery, we need that additional spoonful of mojo. Feel free to turn off the narrative that tells you that this is indulgent or selfish or extravagant (like, right now) - because it's totally f*ing necessary. Trust me, I've tried to function on 'just enough' for years thinking sacrifice was the selfless thing to do, especially as a mom, but it doesn't work for very long. Sacrifice is actually counterproductive and operates in the world of scarcity. It's not sustainable and also not my happy place.
You and I, dear girl, want to live in the land of ABUNDANCE!
The most important ingredient in your contract, is honesty. It's the secret sauce, really. This is how we often fall short on self care, because we are not totally honest with ourselves about what it is we actually need. It's not your fault. There is a lot of external shame and unrealistic expectations when it comes to heart-tending. Let's change that, shall we?
Here are three basic touch points so that you can begin to build your own sacred contract with yourself:
Be in partnership with your body. Love her. Treat her with compassion. Nurture her and most of all, listen to her. I know this can be a complicated relationship for many of us, but it is also inarguably ground zero for our embodied spirit in this lifetime. We have to get real about our body story. If we are constantly pushing agains our body's needs, we will never be able to find our way to true contentment. This collaboration is also a lifetime's worth of work, don't forget, so be gentle and forgiving with yourself. Tend to what is present, right here, right now. One thing that you can see, right in front of you, give that to her, to you. The rest will follow.
Create space. This is about physically creating space, on your calendar and in your life, saying No to make room for saying Yes to the things that truly matter to us, but it's really mostly about emotionally and energetically creating space. Time is really an illusion - yes it has a finite quality, but it also is influenced by perception and prioritization. It has the flexibility of free choice in how you decide to spend it. ---> The lack of time for self care (and anything else for that matter!) is directly in alignment with our belief about whether or not it's important - whether or not we are important. Shifting this one aspect can open up loads of space for sacred being and doing. You deserve it because you are important just as you are. Believe this is true. Allow the time to become yours. You do not need to do anything to earn it.
Seek pleasure. We need pleasure in our lives for two critical reasons. First, the act of leaning into moments of joy, and especially laughter, is scientifically proven to improve health by lowering stress hormones in the body. We're all on cortisol overload these days, so anything we can do to help diffuse the fight/flight/freeze reaction that's being triggered in our system on a regular basis now, is a huge asset to our overall energy and flow. The second reason is because pleasure is your inner compass, your own personal guiding north star. What you desire is pointing you in the direction you need to go, and there are secret messages hidden in all of your wants and wishes! Go after them, and they will help lead you towards more alignment and truth. What is it that makes you truly, deeply joyful? Where can you follow threads of aliveness, delight and curiosity?
Remember, this is not a to-do list <---say it with me! You do not need to turn this into another thing to manage to or get done - your sacred contract serves YOU - not vice versa. While it's good to check in with things every so often, especially if you find you might be struggling with resistance, this is not a project or goal. This is necessary and essential kindness you are offering to yourself as a deep well of resourced resilience. Seal your contract with fierce love and devotion. We will be playing more with these sacred contract ideals and bringing them to life as our own Manifesto in Tiny Revolutions, complete with worksheets and an artful template to finish and hang on your wall (as well as so much more!). Come play with us if you'd like!
Like all things, there is no perfection only practice. Practice honesty around your needs, even if it feels really impractical and uncomfortable. Practice writing it down, maybe even where you can see it on a regular basis. Practice scheduling it in. Practice ignoring the shame and guilt gremlins. Practice allowing yourself 'more than enough' as an act of necessary kindness and abundance. With enough practice, you will feel yourself begin to not just survive, but thrive as a well-resourced woman. Maybe not every single day, but more days than not. I'm totally wishing that for you <3