My kids just left this morning after spending their first week at "mom's house". There is so much about the journey of divorce that feels completely surreal, like I'm watching a movie that's about my life, but doesn't really look or feel like my life at all. Even Luna still seems a bit bugged out.
Though I'm finding it amazing how resilient we are as humans, and how the brain constantly seeks comfort and wants to avoid pain. I've been trying to stay inside mindfulness, walking a very thin line of trying to allow time and space to feel my feelings and also give in to necessary swaths of time scrolling through Pinterest and playing Bejeweled. Checking in with my kids often has been essential, and both are moving through all the changes at their own pace and in their own way. My oldest fights the idea of change transition tooth and nail, but in the end moves through it with skill and relative ease. He's learned how to communicate his feelings and this is everything. The little guy had less tools in his toolbox and is more afraid of the overwhelming feelings, but he's learning that baths and soft things and talking and even crying, really help.
It's the tiny things that have been saving us. Uno games at night. Watching Pioneer Woman and planning things to cook together. Meals at the table. Getting notes and packages in the mail from dear ones. New furniture arriving, like this gorgeous chair I got as a birthday gift from my parents. Hanging things up and putting things away. Each load of laundry and dishes. Buying new measuring spoons and soup bowls. Every small move is an anchor dropping us into this life a little deeper and into more steadiness each day.
Gravity is everything right now. Even writing this post to all of you, knowing you're somewhere out there with me is real comfort and ballast, keeping me from being washed away by the next wave of emotion.