I've been in a bit of a creative cocoon trying to vision what is next for me in my offerings and work. It's an awkward and uncomfortable place to be in, like that moment right before diving into a blank canvas where anything is possible, but where it also feels like I could make a huge mistake by getting the first move all wrong. We all know there really is no 'getting it wrong' at all, but that momentary feeling of uncertainty is enough to give pause.
What I'm trying to do is zoom way out and see with fresh eyes how I truly want to be of service through my work. I need to get lost in some large scale wild visioning that takes over one whole wall in the studio, and also take time to look back through my old Notebooks to mine for the cornerstones of what really has always wanted to come through. I think this is that hardest part about being a Seeker and wanting to constantly evolve. You never really stay in one place for very long, yet there is also a certain amount of stillness required to get quite enough and reach your inner knowing.
I often have this doubt that I don't really know who I am, where it feels like all along I've just been trying different things on. Perfectly timed, the other day I actually heard someone say that her truest belief is that we all know exactly who we are. We just forget, as it gets buried somewhere deep beneath all those layers of lifetime conditioning and messaging.
What I do know is that this space is begging to be filled with togetherness, creativity and joy. Also, I need the company of women in my life on a visceral level. The resonance of circling up with kindreds feels and acts like actual medicine in my body. I'm also trying to expand the edges of what I offer to include a more diverse slice of humanity in a way that hasn't really become clear yet. The integration of my creative work, embodiment work, and sex-positive work is continuing to happen. Somewhere in the overlap of all these things, is who I distinctly am.
With everything I've got, I'm just trying to remember.