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in defense of the day job

{photo by Sea Level, Newburyport}


Back in August, I got a J.O.B. not working for myself, for the first time in over ten years. There really was no struggle over the decision. It was what I knew I needed to do so that I would have a safety net as I began the process of leaving my marriage. The hardest part for me was getting over the thought that I'd "failed" in my own work because I wasn't making enough money in my business to support a single family household. Sooo many stories, fears and shame around this, but I've been doing my best to to not spin things this way in my own head. 

Instead, I made the leap with the thought in mind that this job was a critical bridge I needed to create so I could reach the other side of whatever was to come next. I've always seen myself as a builder of bridges, always... between people, and communities, and so many other complex and nuanced intimacies, I find myself always a conduit. 

So, I built the bridge I needed. I went back to slinging drinks and food at a local restaurant in town for fast and easy money that would also allow me the most flexibility and time to devote to my own work. I know for 100% certain I am not at all a corporate day-job girl. I've been there-done-that and fail to thrive in other people's containers. So the bohemian lifestyle it is, running tables at the edges of my own creative dream.

What I hadn't expected was all the ways this job would actually save me. It's been my social outlet in all the grief and solitude. It was often my escape hatch from so much day-to-day heaviness. And getting a regular paycheck every week, I'd totally forgotten what a wonder that truly is. 

This IS what my dream looks like (at least for now), and I made it happen. Honestly, this little job feels like one of the biggest accomplishments of all. In all the tearing down over the past several months, I built something that has created sustainability and safety for me and my kids, when really I had no idea how I'd make it to the other side. I've had time and space to figure out the next phase of my work and begin to lean into that as well. I feel like an architect of my own life, which has shown me in so many fundamental ways what I'm truly made of and what real devotion to my own heart and spirit looks like. It was a surprise to me, how these bridges themselves have value on their own and reveal brand new perspectives every step along the way. 

{Ketchikan, Alaska - July 2017}






Comments

  1. I resonate with you so much Mindy about the stability of the day job. Days before making the leap (and I didn't know at the time that I would be leaving this way), I accepted and signed a contract for a job which was closer to home, with a bit more pay, and, more important than anything, was waaay less crazy than the job I had.

    Althought it felt a bit shaky to start a new job one week only after we moved in, I am so happy I did. Sometimes, I think life gives us a 180 degree transition. And we need to trust.

    I wish I was a wilder (more courageous?) spirit, but for now, an office job will need to do. I give myself 2 years before making another leap to bridge the gap between who I truly am and what I dedicate most of my days to. And then... the Universe just may have other plans ;-)! Staying open and listening is the key..

    Thank you so much for this place and sharing so openly.
    Love, love, love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad the road rose up to meet you with that new job AND that you had the wisdom to step into it. You are so courageous. More than you know. You're living YOUR wild creative life, for sure. So much love xoxo

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