The house is so eerily quiet when the kids aren't home. I'm still getting used to this new rhythm of part time motherhood and back 'n forth. Part of it has been figuring out how to take up space in my own life. First it was the practical expanse of all the rooms I had to fill. Now it's about trying to flesh out what the space of my life looks and feels like solely on my own terms.
Expansion is hard work, especially when we learn our whole lives how to shrink in a million different ways.
This is my greatest teacher right now, the growth into my own depth and breadth, and to allow myself to say yes to all that I've learned and all that I know even when it's contrary to how the world wants me to show up. I am constantly checking 'other' and finding the only containers I truly thrive in are those of my own making. My identity is coming into sharper focus that allows for a more solid and gentle living and being.
And so comes the part where I rebuild piece by piece, deciding what stays and what I'm leaving behind for good. I survived the transition doing what I had to do to get from then to now. It's become clear that my new life no longer fits into the old, smaller version of my story. The dust is settling and something new is finally taking shape and asking of me real and formative questions about what it is I truly want this time.
It feels almost like a second chance at everything.
I don't intend on wasting it.